Always frustrating, when your feeling the inspiration and flow, and your work gets interrupted by weather, sudden unexpected tragedy, all hell breaking loose, and so on....
It has been an incredibly stressful year, and it seems each year is even weirder, and worse, than the previous one....
My Foodstamps keep ending up having my applications go missing, and a long list of other things... (long story)
So, my nutrition hasn't been very good... just whatever's left at the local food bank, which isn't much compared to 2013... and more people end up going there than ever...
Aside from that, people frequently judge me as some sort of freak, or insane... when I'm constantly trying to help people, and keep people together...
So...... if it looks like my hair is incredibly thin, and balding, that's because it is... I also suffer from psoriasis. Emphasis on the suffering part.... It is an ugly, hideous skin ailment caused by extreme mental & emotional stress. It is incredibly difficult to treat when you have it on your scalp... I've had it before on other parts of my head, neck, face, and elbows... but treating it with prescription steroids would actually work, and drinking saffron tea also would work... but, once it moved to my scalp around 2010/2011 and became increasingly painful by 2012 it was nearly incurable... but would sometimes vanish & reappear... Right now, I am treating it with Moroccan argan oil, which is THE ONLY thing that actually helps it.
For whatever reason, people seem to think that having rational, and cognitive thoughts, contemplating things logically, and asking legitimate questions about EVERYTHING, makes me insane, and the fact that I do creative things makes me a freak of nature REALLY bothers me... It bothers me that people have an expectation of lies, going through the motions, and speaking ONLY what they want to hear, and being honest, truthful, and dare I say "true to ones self" has made me a constant target for a great deal of many individuals & groups...
Well, I don't care!
The truth is, I'm an artist AND an intellectual, despite both groups HATING each other, and those outside of those circles HATING me DOUBLE for being born of both brain hemispheres.
And, part of that truth is that I am in my mid 30s... I'm a Mom, I do creative things, technological things, human things, and more... and yes, that includes wearing makeup, making things, writing things, expressing things... I'm not ACTUALLY as beautiful as this... it's JUST art.
I'm actually just a plain woman, and no one even likes me much in the state I'm a legal resident of... There are plenty of things I'd RATHER be doing, but, I'm NOT middle class anymore... so, I currently cannot.
Sometimes doing the right thing(s) doesn't make you a well liked person...
I may be broke, living in poverty, and afflicted with medical problems (a list of them) but, I'm STILL a human being...
So... I don't have much, I'm broke, I barely have anything, and I'm grateful what I do have... But, what I don't have is a deficit in my: heart, ethics, logic, and humanity. So when folks were in trouble... I answered the call within my heart to help out. And the sad part is, I can't even disclose any of it.... I've been marginalized, smeared, persecuted, ridiculed, and so on... I should NEVER wish anyone to undergo what I have. NEVER...
But, I cannot be everyone else, because I am NOT everyone else. I am ME. I MUST be who I am. And, I don't think there is anything wrong at all with what I do. I do art, I do science, I do research, I nurture, I help, I think, I speak... My motives to do so are NOT for fame & glory, and not even for praise, or even a thank you... I do what I do because I MUST be TRUE to who I truly am.
I shouldn't have to justify it either.
So..... here I am. A lady, an artist, a Mom, etc...
